Frustration is a sign I need to grow

13 April 2010 — Aannsha

I’ve learned over the years that frustration is a sign that we need to allow ourselves to grow beyond the limitations we’ve placed upon ourselves.

Its easy to get stuck in frustration or other difficult emotions and project blame onto the outside world. “Its his fault I feel like this”, “If I had more money…”, “Its the government’s fault” … but at the end of the day, happiness starts on the inside.

When frustration threatens to spoil my day, after I’ve wallowed in it for a while – I remember that I’m a conscious inner transformer.  I remember that emotions are like a compass. They show me what’s working or not working for me.

Frustration reminds me that I am perhaps not growing as an individual. Perhaps I wish to expand in some direction in my life, but a fear, self-doubt or lack of direction, is keeping me from taking the next step.

Sometimes I try to expand based on where I’m ‘at’.  This can sometimes lead me in the wrong direction as where I’m ‘at’ might also be accompanied by a limited perspective on life.  If I’ve been identifying with a part of me that is not my authentic Self, and I try to make a decision from that place, I will only end up in another unfulfilled place.  The best thing I can do at this point is to spend time with myself – meditate, let go of any frustration or other emotion that comes up and get closer to my authentic Self, the one that sits quietly within my heart and knows.

Transforming one’s life just by changing one’s clothes, or jumping from one job to another without doing any inner work first will most likely lead to more frustration.  The only lasting solution, and one that will place one on a road of greater fulfillment is one that is in line with one’s true inner nature.  That cannot be found  outside oneself.  But has to be uncovered within – beneath the layers of programming, limiting belief systems, judgments and unresolved emotions.  It is an ongoing journey of discovery.  One that requires regular inner work.  But its worth it.

I may feel frustrated at the moment, but its because I am ready to grow.  Growth may mean that I have to step out of my comfort zone(s).  I may have to face some inner fears, or let some old beliefs go.  All of these things require courage, but I know that once I get started on this new chapter or adventure in my life’s journey, I’ll pick up momentum and eventually with perseverance, break through this boundary I’m pushing up against and be on track with my authentic Self again.  And what today might feel like a frustrating inner prison, will give way to a feeling of expanded freedom, as I express my authentic Self in a more encompassing way.

That’s one way inner transformation can manifest itself.

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Releasing strong emotions

1 February 2010 — Aannsha

I’ve found the best way to deal with strong emotions – and really, it doesn’t matter if they are old emotions being released or from something you’re experiencing as a result of present circumstances, (they’re all felt in your body, here/now) – is to let them go.  In this post, I’ll describe the process that works well for me and others I know.

Emotional release: easier said than done maybe, but a process that in itself is simple, and yet deeply healing and ultimately, profoundly liberating.  If practised on an ongoing basis as strong emotions come up, either as a result of life’s daily living or as a result of a spiritual practice such as meditation or toning, this can go a long way to helping you release long held limitations and feel a great sense of inner peace and freedom.

(1) stop avoiding them and take your projection away from Out There (another person or situation) back to In Here (yourself),

(2) acknowledge them and truly feel them – in your body,

(3) release any judgments you have about them or yourself, (“anger’s bad”, “I’m useless”) and

(4) choose to release the emotions to your higher self, your divine self, god – whatever you call the benevolent highest consciousness that you are connected to, and which a lot of people imagine above them.

(5) if you find it hard to release them – ask for the willingness to release them.

(6) if you can, spend some time breathing gently but deeply, and place your awareness into your body, allowing yourself to feel a sense of being nurtured.  You, connected to a greater sense of self – are doing the nurturing and you – that is consciously experiencing this process – are receiving the nurturing.

I like to do some deep breathing before, during and after this exercise.  Deep breathing right down into my belly, as if I’m blowing my belly up like a balloon with each inhale, and letting it deflate with each exhale.  It really helps me to stay connected to my body as I have a tendency to become ungrounded.  And it keeps me remain connected to the emotional state, as this is important in the releasing process.

Sometimes I imagine roots growing down through my feet into the earth, and the earth holding me in a nurturing embrace, like a mother who is comforting a child.

Obviously this isn’t something you can necessarily do if you’re at work or in a situation with other people who won’t understand or support what you’re doing.  If you can, excuse yourself, or take time out to the bathroom or some place you can feel private enough to deal with this.  If you can’t, try to hold on to this, so you can deal with it when you are in a more conducive environment/time.

Other times you may find that it’s simply a matter of breathing through the emotion, knowing that its just a bubble coming up from the past – and then release it mentally to the universe, or higher consciousness.

During these times of release, it is so important to nurture yourself.  Most of us who stuff down our emotions are unnecessarily hard on ourselves anyway, or think we have to be or ‘perform’ or appear in a certain way.  But the truth is, we are what we are and that includes feeling a whole range of, sometimes conflicting, emotions.  None of them are good and bad, we have simply learned to judge some of them as such.

This work can leave us feeling vulnerable, like little children.  I’m sure its because in truth, there is a child within each of us, as well as a warrior, mother, lover, friend … a whole range of aspects that we as incredible beings can embrace if we give ourselves permission.

In this way we find ourselves coming back to a state of true wholeness and inner freedom.

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Uncovering Facts, Understanding Interpretation and Releasing Judgments

25 June 2009 — Aannsha

In Our Orientation in the Present Moment, Aristomenes looked at the benefits of remaining in the present with our back to the future, and facing our past. When we take the time to look at our past, we start to see patterns in our choices and how they have helped or hindered us in shaping the present in which we find ourselves. Let’s look at one of the mechanisms that can be responsible for shaping our unconscious decision-making processes: Facts, Interpretation and Judgments.

Here’s an example: Imagine a little girl, brought up in an environment where her mother and father have an explosive argument in front of her and her father storms out of the house. As he leaves he turns, points his finger at the mother who’s hugging the little girl and shouts, “You women are all the same. You’re nothing but trouble! Well I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!” The father never returns. When the girl grows up she finds herself in short-term abusive relationships where the males keep leaving her. Yet she yearns for a long-term relationship with a man who loves her and treats her well. The repetitious behavior of men leaving her, only reinforces a deep belief she holds about herself that she’s ‘trouble’ and that all men leave in the end.

Imagine at this point the woman stops for a moment to review her life and begins to realize that perhaps not all men leave, after all several of her friends are in long term relationships – but maybe there’s one common denominator – herself. So imagine that she turns away from her nebulous future and instead looks at her past, looking for answers to her continuing unfortunate choices in men. She reviews her experiences, the choices that she’s made in terms of finding a caring partner, and sees a pattern emerging. Through looking at that pattern, she also realizes that deep down she holds a belief that as well as thinking all men are undependable, she also believes that she doesn’t deserve happiness. At that point, she might ask herself, “Where does that belief come from?”

Then she remembers her father leaving and what he said. She reviews her memory and looks simply for the bare facts and remembers that her parents had a bad argument. The father snapped and made a sudden decision to leave. Angrily, he threw a parting shot at his wife. He left and didn’t return.

As she reviews that memory, she remembers that as the little girl, she was huddled next to her mother as her father left, and when he shouted at his wife, she also took what he said to heart and at that moment made an interpretation that had gone into her subconscious to be replayed over and over again. As a child, her Interpretation was “Men leave because I’m trouble”. She realized she had also judged men as bad for leaving. And she had judged herself as bad for causing her father to leave in the first place.

Realizing this at a deep level is one key to this woman using her past as a key to releasing her in the present to make different relationship choices. At this point, she can consciously release the interpretations and let go of those judgments and choose in future to respond in the moment – the here and now – whenever she is with someone. Over time, these new choices will bear different fruit.

At the same time, this woman may well find that as she identifies again with the child in that memory, the strong and mixed emotions that she felt as a child but was unable to process, flood her emotional/physical body. Rather than attempting to suppress them again, if the woman is able to accept them and then release them as she senses them, she is another step closer to being freer to find real happiness in the present (and future).

This simple illustration shows how we can use this powerful mechanism to release more of our past conditioning and become freer in the present to make conscious, life-affirming choices that bring us more joy. Not only that, but as we have actually let go of painful emotions that have weighed us down, along with deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves, we actually can feel noticeably lighter and more loving of ourselves. I would like to add my thoughts here that because we are resonating differently, sending out different subconscious messages to our environment, we also start attracting circumstances to us that have a different ‘feel’ / resonance to them. The only challenge we have then, is to remain in the present to respond in the present – rather than knee-jerking back to an old familiar reaction. ;)

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