Frustration is a sign I need to grow

13 April 2010 — Aannsha

I’ve learned over the years that frustration is a sign that we need to allow ourselves to grow beyond the limitations we’ve placed upon ourselves.

Its easy to get stuck in frustration or other difficult emotions and project blame onto the outside world. “Its his fault I feel like this”, “If I had more money…”, “Its the government’s fault” … but at the end of the day, happiness starts on the inside.

When frustration threatens to spoil my day, after I’ve wallowed in it for a while – I remember that I’m a conscious inner transformer.  I remember that emotions are like a compass. They show me what’s working or not working for me.

Frustration reminds me that I am perhaps not growing as an individual. Perhaps I wish to expand in some direction in my life, but a fear, self-doubt or lack of direction, is keeping me from taking the next step.

Sometimes I try to expand based on where I’m ‘at’.  This can sometimes lead me in the wrong direction as where I’m ‘at’ might also be accompanied by a limited perspective on life.  If I’ve been identifying with a part of me that is not my authentic Self, and I try to make a decision from that place, I will only end up in another unfulfilled place.  The best thing I can do at this point is to spend time with myself – meditate, let go of any frustration or other emotion that comes up and get closer to my authentic Self, the one that sits quietly within my heart and knows.

Transforming one’s life just by changing one’s clothes, or jumping from one job to another without doing any inner work first will most likely lead to more frustration.  The only lasting solution, and one that will place one on a road of greater fulfillment is one that is in line with one’s true inner nature.  That cannot be found  outside oneself.  But has to be uncovered within – beneath the layers of programming, limiting belief systems, judgments and unresolved emotions.  It is an ongoing journey of discovery.  One that requires regular inner work.  But its worth it.

I may feel frustrated at the moment, but its because I am ready to grow.  Growth may mean that I have to step out of my comfort zone(s).  I may have to face some inner fears, or let some old beliefs go.  All of these things require courage, but I know that once I get started on this new chapter or adventure in my life’s journey, I’ll pick up momentum and eventually with perseverance, break through this boundary I’m pushing up against and be on track with my authentic Self again.  And what today might feel like a frustrating inner prison, will give way to a feeling of expanded freedom, as I express my authentic Self in a more encompassing way.

That’s one way inner transformation can manifest itself.

Posted in Conscious inner transformation, Transformation. Tags: , , , , , , , . 5 Comments »

Life’s ups and downs

15 February 2010 — Aannsha

I haven’t posted lately as there have been a couple of family issues that have come up and have been taking up my thoughts.

One of the things I notice is that in times of crisis, I tend to default into old habit patterns in an attempt to avoid feeling anxiety or other difficult emotion.  I think a lot of us do that – maybe you can identify with what I’m saying?

For me if its a really difficult situation, I sometimes get very lethargic and want to sleep (that’s a real shutting down mechanism in extreme circumstances).  Alternatively, I crave comfort food – biscuits, or chocolates (which contain those lovely chemicals that make a person feel loved) and mask what I’m really feeling!

A better way for me of handling these times though, is to get up and move – walk the dog, go for a jog, dance a bit – which changes the stuck emotional energy into physical energy that can more easily move through my body, leaving me feeling more alive and positive.

I also find meditation or toning my mantra particularly helpful, although one of the things I’ve also noticed is that I’m less likely to want to sit with myself or do my mantra or meditation technique when I’m feeling ikky. Do you find that? Bizarre isn’t it?! And yet, that’s exactly when we’d benefit most from tried and true techniques. Depending on the type of meditation and/or mantra, they can help us change our vibration at a mental or cellular level and that really contributes to our being able to shift through the emotional clunk that we may find ourselves in.

Ultimately, the meditation or mantra or other practice that we may be practising, is the means to transform at a deep level, which an end in itself.   At the very least, it can show itself as different experiences – ripples of change – in our outer world, as well as a stronger sense of true Self within, that will enable us more easily move through life’s circumstances.

To fully identify with our true Nature though, we have to uncover It, through layers of belief systems, ‘programming’, unresolved emotional issues and judgments that cloud our view of ourSelf and reality.

So the challenge is – next time something we’d rather avoid happens in our lives – instead of heading down Habit Highway, perhaps we can consciously choose to take the action that we know in our heart will be better for us in the long run.  That may be exercise instead of blobbing on the couch vegging out in front of the mind-numbing TV; it could be eating an apple instead of a bag of chips or tub of ice cream (and I don’t get the attraction to do that myself lol); it could be choosing to sit and feel an emotion and breathe it through our body, rather than shout our anxiety at someone we love.

Conscious change often requires us to embrace a healthier choice that may initially feel a poor second choice to an otherwise seductive pull of an habituated knee-jerk ‘fix’.  It may not taste as salty or sweet because its not full of additives; it may cause our body to groan in protest at movement rather than blobhood, and it may be extremely hard to rein back on the sarcastic comments to someone who can’t defend themselves against the onslaught of our frustration.

Whatever it is, only you can decide if you’re worth the effort.  I’m hoping that if you’re still reading this, you may resonate with what I’m saying and perhaps have just made such an effort.  Or maybe next time, instead of knee-jerking your way out of a crisis into the numbed stupour of an addictive avoidance mechanism – you will remember that you really want to rediscover your true Self, and remember too that the only way you’re going to do that is by walking down a road you haven’t spent a lot of time on.  The one of conscious inner transformation.

Here at Conscious Inner Transformer, you will receive encouragement to take that journey.

Posted in Conscious inner transformation. Tags: , , , , , , . 3 Comments »

Eating catalyzes emotional release

1 February 2010 — Aannsha

Photographer: Salvatore VuonoIt had to happen sooner or later.  Since I’ve changed my eating habits to include mainly fruits and vegetables and cut out stodgy, starchy and fatty foods the inevitable happened today.  Well, its been building for a few days, if I’m honest.  Some of those emotions that I’ve avoided dealing with in the past and instead ‘stuffed down’ by overeating comfort foods, has started to bubble up and make themselves known, in no uncertain terms!

That’s the thing with suppressed emotions; if you take the lid off, eventually they’re going to make their way to the surface and scream to be let out!  And if you’re into Conscious Inner Transformation, you’ll welcome them.  Well, maybe not welcome them exactly because if you’ve avoided them, you’re probably scared stiff of them, or in judgment of them in some way.  So welcome may not be the right term – perhaps grudgingly acknowledge their presence as an ongoing aspect of your finding true inner freedom.  If you look at them in that way, you can at least allow them to come up, knowing that you’re on the way to releasing more emotional baggage that you don’t want weighing you down.

When I say ‘release’, I really don’t mean you have to fly off the handle in rage, or literally pull your hair out with grief or whatever – although sometimes, if you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed, there’s nothing wrong with some time out to shed a few tears or stamp your feet, if that’s what you need to do.

Release in terms of consciously transforming is more a grace-ful letting go of what has been long held within and giving it up to one’s higher/greater/divine self, or whatever term you use to describe your higher conscious awareness.  What is happening at this time (and forgive me if I’m telling you something you already know – this is for anyone who is new to this process) – is that what you have chosen to avoid in the past – an emotion that you may have judged as being ‘wrong’, or one that was simply too overwhelming to deal with – is that you are now feeling it returning after its release from your subconscious.   ‘Sub’ – in that its below your consciousness, and at the time you experienced the emotion or judgment about yourself, the way to preserve your equilibrium was to nicely suppress it where you weren’t aware of it.  Hence it ended up in your sub- (or un-) conscious.

As this section deals with eating – and experiencing transformation through changing your eating habits to healthful ones – then the most likely way these unwanted emotions were stuffed down were by the use of food.  Some people overeat to do it, some eat ice cream (although I can’t see the draw in that one myself lol), other like myself as I said above, go for starchy, fatty foods.  Whatever you may grab out of the kitchen in times of emotional crisis though isn’t really that important, its that when you decide to eat healthfully, you will find yourself facing whatever you chose to ignore the first time around.

The good news is that this time you know that rather than being in the actual situation you were in at the time, this is now an old emotion, an old memory, and in the past – although the emotions themselves will feel absolutely real as they come up.  One thing that can also happen is that your subconscious does not know the difference between the past, present and imagined and you might think these emotions are as a result of what’s going on now – or project onto the present situation, making Out There the bad guy.  If you do that, you will find yourself stuck in a loop and will keep coming back to this place again and again, a bit like Ground Hog Day.

I’ve found the best way to deal with strong emotions – and really, it doesn’t matter if they are old emotions being released or from something you’re experiencing in the present – is to simply let them go.

Easier said than done maybe, but a process that in itself is simple, and yet deeply healing and ultimately, profoundly liberating.

In the next post, I’ll describe the process.

Posted in Conscious inner transformation, Healthy eating. Tags: , , , , , , . 3 Comments »

Uncovering Facts, Understanding Interpretation and Releasing Judgments

25 June 2009 — Aannsha

In Our Orientation in the Present Moment, Aristomenes looked at the benefits of remaining in the present with our back to the future, and facing our past. When we take the time to look at our past, we start to see patterns in our choices and how they have helped or hindered us in shaping the present in which we find ourselves. Let’s look at one of the mechanisms that can be responsible for shaping our unconscious decision-making processes: Facts, Interpretation and Judgments.

Here’s an example: Imagine a little girl, brought up in an environment where her mother and father have an explosive argument in front of her and her father storms out of the house. As he leaves he turns, points his finger at the mother who’s hugging the little girl and shouts, “You women are all the same. You’re nothing but trouble! Well I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!” The father never returns. When the girl grows up she finds herself in short-term abusive relationships where the males keep leaving her. Yet she yearns for a long-term relationship with a man who loves her and treats her well. The repetitious behavior of men leaving her, only reinforces a deep belief she holds about herself that she’s ‘trouble’ and that all men leave in the end.

Imagine at this point the woman stops for a moment to review her life and begins to realize that perhaps not all men leave, after all several of her friends are in long term relationships – but maybe there’s one common denominator – herself. So imagine that she turns away from her nebulous future and instead looks at her past, looking for answers to her continuing unfortunate choices in men. She reviews her experiences, the choices that she’s made in terms of finding a caring partner, and sees a pattern emerging. Through looking at that pattern, she also realizes that deep down she holds a belief that as well as thinking all men are undependable, she also believes that she doesn’t deserve happiness. At that point, she might ask herself, “Where does that belief come from?”

Then she remembers her father leaving and what he said. She reviews her memory and looks simply for the bare facts and remembers that her parents had a bad argument. The father snapped and made a sudden decision to leave. Angrily, he threw a parting shot at his wife. He left and didn’t return.

As she reviews that memory, she remembers that as the little girl, she was huddled next to her mother as her father left, and when he shouted at his wife, she also took what he said to heart and at that moment made an interpretation that had gone into her subconscious to be replayed over and over again. As a child, her Interpretation was “Men leave because I’m trouble”. She realized she had also judged men as bad for leaving. And she had judged herself as bad for causing her father to leave in the first place.

Realizing this at a deep level is one key to this woman using her past as a key to releasing her in the present to make different relationship choices. At this point, she can consciously release the interpretations and let go of those judgments and choose in future to respond in the moment – the here and now – whenever she is with someone. Over time, these new choices will bear different fruit.

At the same time, this woman may well find that as she identifies again with the child in that memory, the strong and mixed emotions that she felt as a child but was unable to process, flood her emotional/physical body. Rather than attempting to suppress them again, if the woman is able to accept them and then release them as she senses them, she is another step closer to being freer to find real happiness in the present (and future).

This simple illustration shows how we can use this powerful mechanism to release more of our past conditioning and become freer in the present to make conscious, life-affirming choices that bring us more joy. Not only that, but as we have actually let go of painful emotions that have weighed us down, along with deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves, we actually can feel noticeably lighter and more loving of ourselves. I would like to add my thoughts here that because we are resonating differently, sending out different subconscious messages to our environment, we also start attracting circumstances to us that have a different ‘feel’ / resonance to them. The only challenge we have then, is to remain in the present to respond in the present – rather than knee-jerking back to an old familiar reaction. ;)

Posted in Conscious inner transformation. Tags: , , , . Leave a Comment »

Hello!

11 June 2009 — Aannsha

… and welcome to Conscious Inner Transformation blog.

In brief, to get the ball rolling …

This blog been set up as a supportive environment for souls of like purpose to read articles and share thoughts, find community and validation.  In particular, its designed for for Conscious Inner Transformers who share similar traits to myself and others I know.

The Conscious Inner Transformer (CIT) reclaims, heals and transforms with ever-increasing awareness; conscious and sentient; into the expanding wholeness of their potential self.

You will find in this blog more information on the definition of a Conscious Inner Transformer, and also a questionnaire to help you identify if you are such a soul.  If you are, then you may find that as this blog grows, it is filled with really useful information for you in your journey to wholeness.  It will also be a place where you can add your own comments, ask questions and share your pertinent life experiences with others if you choose.

But for now, welcome! :)


Posted in Conscious inner transformation. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments »